Quarantine Diary

I think there are three easy questions you can ask yourself to determine if you're pulling your weight as a coparent. 1) what meal can you make, using only the ingredients you have in your house right now, that the whole family would eat without complaint ? 2) what is the shoe size of all your children, and how close are they to outgrowing it? 3) what are the names of your child's close friends, and what activity did they last do together? Why these questions? I've never been a parent, but I have spent 15 years total in 2 different long-term relationships where I did the majority of the cooking, but also the meal planning, grocery shopping, and food prep. Even days when my partner would cook, they typically spent their time asking me what ingredients we had and where to find them. In their own home. In a room they used multiple times a day. It was fucking exhausting. This gets exponentially worse when you introduce children to the family and have to contend with dif...

Our story begins in 1992, when legendary guitarist Eric Clapton released Unplugged, which included an acoustic version of Layla that swept the radio airwaves and imprinted itself on thousands of young people who had either never hear the original, or never really paid attention when it played on the Oldies station their father listened to. For background, imprinting is when an adult werewolf falls in love with an infant, or when a baby whooping crane thinks a sock puppet is its mother; it is simultaneously absurd, indefensible in the face of reason, and so heartfelt that it can’t be argued away with mere facts like “that’s a sock with googly eyes” or “werewolves don’t exist”. This tragedy of emotional attachment gone awry afflicts thousands of people every time a popular cover version of a song is released upon an uneducated public; it is not the fault of the artist! Natalie Mains bears no blame in the wrongful assumption that Landslide is a Dixie Chicks song. Your parents failed you...