Quarantine Diary

Our story begins in 1992, when legendary guitarist Eric Clapton released Unplugged, which included an acoustic version of Layla that swept the radio airwaves and imprinted itself on thousands of young people who had either never hear the original, or never really paid attention when it played on the Oldies station their father listened to. For background, imprinting is when an adult werewolf falls in love with an infant, or when a baby whooping crane thinks a sock puppet is its mother; it is simultaneously absurd, indefensible in the face of reason, and so heartfelt that it can’t be argued away with mere facts like “that’s a sock with googly eyes” or “werewolves don’t exist”. This tragedy of emotional attachment gone awry afflicts thousands of people every time a popular cover version of a song is released upon an uneducated public; it is not the fault of the artist! Natalie Mains bears no blame in the wrongful assumption that Landslide is a Dixie Chicks song. Your parents failed you...