Quarantine Diary

After many years, I finally have a response for this shit. Not all Nazi's worked the death camps, either, sweetie. But every pencil-pushing administrator who never fired a shot, every single one who showed up to work and did what they were told to avoid personal repercussions even when they disagreed with the ideology, every single Nazi did their part to keep the machine running. So for all the men who hear criticism of one man and jump to defend themselves with #notallmen, if you want to congratulate yourself for clearing the very low bar of not being as terrible as you could be, stop and ask yourself why you think that's sufficient. #notallmen #notallcops - no, maybe they aren't all explicitly and personally involved in each act of violence, but they are all playing a role in letting it happen unchecked. I've had guy friends my whole life. Without fail, with every mixed friend group, there'll be a moment in a group hangout where something explicitly sexist...

I have a hell of a time setting boundaries. Whenever I don't say yes to what someone else wants, I feel like I'm going to get in trouble. I can remember almost every time I've refused someone simply becuase I didn't want to do something, and I carry those instances around as proof that I'm not a nice person. Since I'm stuck alone in my apartment, and my head, I've got lots and lots and lots and lots of time on my hands to try to unpack this shit. There's a reason half the tiktoks on my For You page are therapists. I remember when I was 5, my parents took me to see a dance studio and watch a class, and my dad holding me while mom asked if I would like to take lessons. I either hesitated or said no, and dad said "your mom always wanted lessons when she was a kid", and I knew immediately that it was my job to take dance lessons to make up for that. So I took dance classes for the next 7 years until I was 12, when I was fed up enough to have a fi...

To be able to catch the tumult of time and your own heart, who doesn’t want that. Anne Fucking Carson, everybody.

Feeling miserable about S's diagnosis, and her upcoming birthday being a letdown because all we can do is a socially-distant drive by, and because I got the task of reaching out to her out-of-town university friends about sending in a digital birthday greeting, and breaking the news. I'm so in touch with my feelings now, I actually connect this miserable feeling with the fact that all 3 meals today were blueberry pancakes with cream cheese icing. What's for dessert when you eat icing all day? I made a buffalo cheese dip. Here's the recipe: - cheddar cheese - feta cheese - mayo - garlic - cream cheese - Franks Buffalo Wing Sauce Cut off the chunk of cheddar that has gone moldy; you're not feeding this to company, so there's no need to pretend you have standards. Use whatever quantity of each that looks good to you, but then add at least 1 tbsp more of garlic because the jar of minced garlic looked almost done so you scraped it out but now it looks li...