Day 74: #notallmen
After many years, I finally have a response for this shit.
Not all Nazi's worked the death camps, either, sweetie. But every pencil-pushing administrator who never fired a shot, every single one who showed up to work and did what they were told to avoid personal repercussions even when they disagreed with the ideology, every single Nazi did their part to keep the machine running.
So for all the men who hear criticism of one man and jump to defend themselves with #notallmen, if you want to congratulate yourself for clearing the very low bar of not being as terrible as you could be, stop and ask yourself why you think that's sufficient.
#notallmen #notallcops - no, maybe they aren't all explicitly and personally involved in each act of violence, but they are all playing a role in letting it happen unchecked.
I've had guy friends my whole life. Without fail, with every mixed friend group, there'll be a moment in a group hangout where something explicitly sexist or derogatory about women is said, and I have the choice of speaking up and being the humourless cunt who can't hang, or letting it slide, or laughing it off to keep the approval of the men in the group as a cool girl who won't give them any shit for being a misogynist. And yes, I've been spinless in the past and pretended it didn't hurt, but you know what happens 100% of the time? Not a single man ever steps inhas my back. Not friends, not lovers, not family. Men always side with other men in these situations.
Thankfully, I've gotten to a point where, if someone is explicitly misogynist in my presence, I call it out and dont give a fuck if they no longer like me; they've lost my respect and good riddance. But the friends who stay quiet hurt, because now they've identified themselves as weak allies in a low stakes situation, so I know I can't trust or count on them in any high stakes situation either.
Not all Nazi's worked the death camps, either, sweetie. But every pencil-pushing administrator who never fired a shot, every single one who showed up to work and did what they were told to avoid personal repercussions even when they disagreed with the ideology, every single Nazi did their part to keep the machine running.
So for all the men who hear criticism of one man and jump to defend themselves with #notallmen, if you want to congratulate yourself for clearing the very low bar of not being as terrible as you could be, stop and ask yourself why you think that's sufficient.
#notallmen #notallcops - no, maybe they aren't all explicitly and personally involved in each act of violence, but they are all playing a role in letting it happen unchecked.
I've had guy friends my whole life. Without fail, with every mixed friend group, there'll be a moment in a group hangout where something explicitly sexist or derogatory about women is said, and I have the choice of speaking up and being the humourless cunt who can't hang, or letting it slide, or laughing it off to keep the approval of the men in the group as a cool girl who won't give them any shit for being a misogynist. And yes, I've been spinless in the past and pretended it didn't hurt, but you know what happens 100% of the time? Not a single man ever steps inhas my back. Not friends, not lovers, not family. Men always side with other men in these situations.
Thankfully, I've gotten to a point where, if someone is explicitly misogynist in my presence, I call it out and dont give a fuck if they no longer like me; they've lost my respect and good riddance. But the friends who stay quiet hurt, because now they've identified themselves as weak allies in a low stakes situation, so I know I can't trust or count on them in any high stakes situation either.